life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

Hello Mr. Death

Death has knocked on our door once again, someone in the family has opened it and he was taken away.

Did they know? When death knocked, did they recognize him?

My father in law died after 3 months of being diagnosed with cancer. It was my son’s birthday. Ofcourse, he knew that he was going to die eventually, all of us will anyway, but that day, did he know? When my 5 year old son played and sang “happy birthday” with him, did he know?

My childhood friend and cousin died of pneumonia a few days ago. He was young and healthy. He was okay the last time we chat over trivial things. I checked his facebook page, he was asking for prayers last week because according to him, he was sick. A post that I did not see. When he posted that, did he know? When he was in the hospital, did he know?

Death has come so near, I could almost touch him. It made me stop and wonder…how will I know when my time comes?

I live as if I’m going to live forever…putting off the things I would love to do for the things that I feel I NEEDED to do. Putting off being happy over my responsibilities and obligations. Unable to touch lives because I was busy…doing the hings I hated, living the life that I wanted to escape.

Hello, Mr. Death! When are you going to come after me? Will I know? Will I recognize you? 

I’m not ready…I got so much to do, so many dreams to fulfill, so many things to accomplish…for myself…for my dear self…

life, Love and relationship

How does it feel to be depressed?

It’s like drowning in your own thoughts…

Thoughts of sadness and despair.

It’s losing control.

It’s like someone else lives inside your head, feeding you with thoughts… thoughts that hurt, thoughts of fear, of hopelessness. Stories of despair, of loss, of betrayal, of tragedy.

When everything outside seemed so normal, so calm…

Thoughts of the past keep on playing…again and again and again.

It’s tiring. 

It’s tiring to CONTROL the flow of thoughts…it’s tiring to LET GO and give in.

The world keeps on spinning. Everyone keeps on moving. But the THOUGHTS stayed, oblivious of time…unaware of what’s real.

Something inside has died. 

HOPE.

DREAM.

ZEST FOR LIFE.

Sometimes, butterflies do appear…

But darkness shall swallow it until nothing remains…but emptiness…and lots and lots of darkness…