life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

The day I stopped hating

I’m not sure if its good or not but the act of “hating ” gave me a sense of purpose, so when I stopped hating, I just don’t know where to go or what to do.

The whole emotion just vanished and I was left with an empty shell, unable to cry, unable to laugh, unable to care at all.

I was watching the movie, Inside Out last night and realized how important Sadness was, how she made everything right. The once was a happy memory brought tears…which melted away the wall created by anger and fear and disgust…

They say the opposite of love is NOT hatred but indifference…I see that. Because when you hate, somehow, you still care…

Indifference is when you don’t feel anything at all…It’s when you just don’t care at all.

life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

I don’t know…

There was a time when I thought I knew. All those books and ideas. All those talks and sermons.
I thought I learned what I needed to learn. I thought I have discovered the secret.

But the more I learned, the more I do not know. The more I thought I understood, the more I felt confused.

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the world, I stood still. Confused. Disoriented. Tired.

I walked, just like everyone else. I pursued the things that they said were important.  But I was never happy.

How can you miss something that you never had?

I do not know.

There’s something inside that won’t be still.

Wrong place. Wrong time. Wrong thoughts.

I do not know.
But someday, I hope I’ll do.

Love and relationship

This too shall pass…

This too shall pass. I used to say that to myself whenever I face situations that I don’t like. Situations that hurt, situations that’s hard.

It used to give me hope…that the hardships of today will end, and tomorrow will be better, much much better.

Lately, I’ve been saying that to myself much more often. And I’m starting to realize that I have been walking through life with my eyes closed, gritting my teeth, hoping against hope, that these days will end, that tomorrow will be different…

But the days went on…and on.

Just like today…just like yesterday.

This too shall pass.

I feel like I’m missing something.

That old feeling when you don’t like the day to end…when I was praying that the present mment would last forever.

I missed that.

I really do.

~Yellow