life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

The day I stopped hating

I’m not sure if its good or not but the act of “hating ” gave me a sense of purpose, so when I stopped hating, I just don’t know where to go or what to do.

The whole emotion just vanished and I was left with an empty shell, unable to cry, unable to laugh, unable to care at all.

I was watching the movie, Inside Out last night and realized how important Sadness was, how she made everything right. The once was a happy memory brought tears…which melted away the wall created by anger and fear and disgust…

They say the opposite of love is NOT hatred but indifference…I see that. Because when you hate, somehow, you still care…

Indifference is when you don’t feel anything at all…It’s when you just don’t care at all.

life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

Hello Mr. Death

Death has knocked on our door once again, someone in the family has opened it and he was taken away.

Did they know? When death knocked, did they recognize him?

My father in law died after 3 months of being diagnosed with cancer. It was my son’s birthday. Ofcourse, he knew that he was going to die eventually, all of us will anyway, but that day, did he know? When my 5 year old son played and sang “happy birthday” with him, did he know?

My childhood friend and cousin died of pneumonia a few days ago. He was young and healthy. He was okay the last time we chat over trivial things. I checked his facebook page, he was asking for prayers last week because according to him, he was sick. A post that I did not see. When he posted that, did he know? When he was in the hospital, did he know?

Death has come so near, I could almost touch him. It made me stop and wonder…how will I know when my time comes?

I live as if I’m going to live forever…putting off the things I would love to do for the things that I feel I NEEDED to do. Putting off being happy over my responsibilities and obligations. Unable to touch lives because I was busy…doing the hings I hated, living the life that I wanted to escape.

Hello, Mr. Death! When are you going to come after me? Will I know? Will I recognize you? 

I’m not ready…I got so much to do, so many dreams to fulfill, so many things to accomplish…for myself…for my dear self…