life, Love and relationship, Uncategorized

The day I stopped hating

I’m not sure if its good or not but the act of “hating ” gave me a sense of purpose, so when I stopped hating, I just don’t know where to go or what to do.

The whole emotion just vanished and I was left with an empty shell, unable to cry, unable to laugh, unable to care at all.

I was watching the movie, Inside Out last night and realized how important Sadness was, how she made everything right. The once was a happy memory brought tears…which melted away the wall created by anger and fear and disgust…

They say the opposite of love is NOT hatred but indifference…I see that. Because when you hate, somehow, you still care…

Indifference is when you don’t feel anything at all…It’s when you just don’t care at all.

life, Love and relationship

How does it feel to be depressed?

It’s like drowning in your own thoughts…

Thoughts of sadness and despair.

It’s losing control.

It’s like someone else lives inside your head, feeding you with thoughts… thoughts that hurt, thoughts of fear, of hopelessness. Stories of despair, of loss, of betrayal, of tragedy.

When everything outside seemed so normal, so calm…

Thoughts of the past keep on playing…again and again and again.

It’s tiring. 

It’s tiring to CONTROL the flow of thoughts…it’s tiring to LET GO and give in.

The world keeps on spinning. Everyone keeps on moving. But the THOUGHTS stayed, oblivious of time…unaware of what’s real.

Something inside has died. 

HOPE.

DREAM.

ZEST FOR LIFE.

Sometimes, butterflies do appear…

But darkness shall swallow it until nothing remains…but emptiness…and lots and lots of darkness…

Love and relationship

This too shall pass…

This too shall pass. I used to say that to myself whenever I face situations that I don’t like. Situations that hurt, situations that’s hard.

It used to give me hope…that the hardships of today will end, and tomorrow will be better, much much better.

Lately, I’ve been saying that to myself much more often. And I’m starting to realize that I have been walking through life with my eyes closed, gritting my teeth, hoping against hope, that these days will end, that tomorrow will be different…

But the days went on…and on.

Just like today…just like yesterday.

This too shall pass.

I feel like I’m missing something.

That old feeling when you don’t like the day to end…when I was praying that the present mment would last forever.

I missed that.

I really do.

~Yellow